Blessedness in the Brokenness

God is just so amazing. He can place such magnitude in such minuscule moments and things; in beautiful creation, a smile, a cool breeze on a warm day, getting lunch with an old friend, a comforting and energizing cup of coffee, an intentional and tender touch when your heart just can't seem to escape the darkness. His effervescence is like a shot of espresso straight to my soul, like lighter fluid oozing and seeping into the deepest, darkest crevasses of my heart, and His truth is the spark, igniting it all to His glorious love.

Today, I started my first day of college, overwhelmed and anxious for what was and is to come, God has shown me the beauty in the imperfection, the blessedness in the brokenness. The transition from the comfort of home and consistency of high school, to the independence of living alone and variety of college life was a lot harder than I had expected. I thought I was totally capable of doing my own thing and thriving independently in college, but God decided to shatter that ideology, keeping me on a tight leash and ensuring complete dependence on Him.

So, I was reading my devotional where it was going through Mark 6:30-44, it emphasized a part, that I had always simply skimmed over; Jesus broke the bread and blessed it. We are like the bread in the sense that sometimes we need to be broken down to be fruitful, to live out the purpose that we were created for. This then got me thinking, where have I felt broken but later come to recognize the blessing?

- when I moved away after sophomore year

- when my family was struggling with alcohol addictions

- when I was recovering from a mentality of self-hate

This list just keeps going on and on, but in every single one, God's love prevails. I often find myself looking at the two words; blessed and broken as opposites, that "blessings" are just the "good things" in life, when in reality, the moments of the most severe growth and fruit have been rooted in the darkest times in my life. One of my Pastors once described these times to me as "the furnace" where yes, it hurts like hell, but the molding and configuring God is doing to and within me is what equips for His plan and purpose. I don't think that ever clicked to me as being a blessing until today, more like something you had to do, that you had to go through and experience to grow in faith, but I couldn't seem to grasp that all that hard stuff was really the good stuff.

I can find so much more comfort and assurance in knowing and being confident that God can use any situation for His glory, that if I give it to Him, it will not fail. Still, I have to continually fight my urge to control everything in my life, which is when the anxieties of life begin to suffocate me. God is so much greater and more powerful, even in the smallest moments, the most minute abilities He will be able to configure them to something magnificent. And through revealing this to me, I will simply be able to be more acute to His glory and the presence of His hands at work in my life. Plus, He not only has the power but the compassion to carry me through life to where He needs me, so then I will have the strength of His love to take on whatever that may be, so college cannot scare me because even though I am broken, I am eternally blessed.