Overall- great God.

I have been challenged on multiple occasions to describe my “pre-Jesus life” in a few words to contrast my “with Jesus life,” also known as: my cardboard testimony. This is such a beautifully, humbling opportunity and what mine has always read is “craving approval// Satisfied in Christ” which I believe in my heart to be true. It being true, does not rid the statement of the ability to be ever living, growing and changing with me as a person and in my faith. Today was one of those days where God really rocked my world in that aspect. I have been encouraged a lot lately to pursue a wild and free life with Jesus, trusting in Him and stumbling after him, even if it is blindly. Yet somehow I still find myself second guessing who I am, questioning my worth based on fleshly comparison and doubt.

God CALLED ME THE FRICK OUT and I could not be more grateful. This epiphany beginning about two days ago when the “verse of the day” on the Bible app was: Psalm 139:13-14// you knitted me together in my mothers womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. I had known and heard this verse countless times before, it is one that is so frequently thrown around and so I knew it in my head and felt in in my heart before, but not for a while. Hearing that and not simply reading it but feeling it is so so good! God literally brought generations before me (and each of you) knowing that it would eventually lead to your birth, stitching each of us intentionally and perfectly within our mothers’ wombs. How freaking cool is that?

But oh no, no, He did not leave this beautiful moment there, but at small group he reminded my leader of a little challenge to recognize common grace. So, we all shut our eyes and thought of a small but sweet moment in our lives that has brought or brings us joy and think about EVERYTHING that goes into making that blip of time possible. WOW. It takes to make up any moment really, beginning with the creation of whatever it is/ wherever you are from the fabrics and things surrounding you to all the stellar surroundings- I could really go on for days about this, and I may one day do that but not now. So, just the thought that God goes through all of that trouble just to bring me a glimmer of His light, of His love and of His kingdom here on earth is INSANE. His love and intentionality is so vast my mind is in a state of utter praise.

Then today, something seemingly so insignificant revealed the Lord to me: my overalls. I just bought them from goodwill and they are huge and so comfy but the enemy kept feeding me lies about what other people would think. I would love to say that I do not care, that I am unaffected by the opinions of others, but I am. Today though I took on my wild and free eden identity to rock those oversized overalls, turtleneck and hiking boots. Confidently strutting out of my dorm room, when suddenly, I heard the hissing fiery arrows of the devil telling me how weird I looked, that people were going to look at me like a freak, but I kept walking. Throughout the day, the Holy Spirit really met me in all of that, he took it on and affirmed me in my independence. I would look to Him when I felt like I was slipping into the grasp of satan’s evil whispers and he caught me, plucked me right out of that situation. As my day continued I did not hear those evil words, the lies because God is bigger.

I got home and was astounded, blown away in His glory. In that, for the first time in quite some time, God gave me some really sweet and true rest, beginning in the form of a nap continuing into simply spending time with Him, rejuvenating my spirit. He gave me the word worth and as I looked into it, God showed me Romans 12:2// do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is acceptable and perfect. Like oh hey there Jesus. I was called out of my comfort to trust God, although in something so so small, it depicts this so well; I refused to conform and God allowed my trust and worth in him be tested, where, of course His love prevailed.

This verse not only touches on the love of God and how my worth is found in something so separate from this world and it’s opinions and standards but also it points out the truth that I am not called to fit in in any way. My personality, my morals, none of it should be coinciding with this world because the Holy Spirit is living within me so I am no longer of this world. So my prayer is to become more and more aware of this, that God would continue to make me continuously more acute to his presence and thus to his will in discernment of my life. I want to be more like Jesus, a rebel, an outcast, fearless and free. I want to be these things so that I may know more of who He is, to be, although a frail clay vessel, a vessel for His kingdom, a glimmer of heaven on earth shining to this darkened world.

GOD is GOOD people and He loves us so so deeply!! I encourage all of you to take a moment to look at the little things, all the seemingly insignificant moments to recognize how truly monumental and mind boggling they really are. God shows up all the time, in an array of ways, we just have to be willing to see them even when they don’t fall into the predetermined slots of where we will fit God into our lives. He is BIGGER and He is BETTER than anything we could ever imagine, take time, talk and get to know Him today!