Favorite Pair of Jeans

God has been encouraging me to write a lot lately, to just pour out his love on paper (or a keyboard) and share what He’s been showing me, which has just been super fun. Reading through the new testament has been really radical to just get to know who Jesus is and what I’m called into. So, today, as I was sitting in a coffee shop, and my self pity- I spent time in the word.

But first, I have to back up, my self pity. I’ve been feeling super weird about the whole idea of home and what that word means to me because I just don’t know anymore. I’m “home” in California to see friends and family for a couple weeks before my camp adventures begin and I have found myself getting lost in the void of plans, the really mundane way this trip has been. Nothing spectacular has happened so I’ve felt like it’s becoming a bust. NO ALLI, NO. I have spent time with family and friends and most importantly with God, it has been g.o.o.d. So why am I stressing? I suppose because I’m in somewhat of a paradox on whether this small blip of time is really considered “going home” or if this is my vacation. Home, by definitions that I know is where one resides permanently, or, the cheesey response: where the heart is. Neither answer my inner conflict. The first because, having just finished my freshman year of college, I don’t have my dorm, nor do I have a room or anywhere to put my things at either of my parents’ houses, I will be living out of a suitcase for the remainder of the summer, so by this definition, I am homeless. On the other hand, my heart is so so divided that I have such an abundance of homes it is overwhelming. I have family in Arizona and California, friends in both these places and across the nation, my heart is so ramified that I am in a constant state of void, of feeling like I am missing something or someone. So, there it is: my inner conflict leading to an abundance of self pity and confusion.

As I was frustratingly word vomiting this all out in my journal, two of my friends texted me and one showed up at the coffee shop where I was. God gave me a loving bish slap, nudging me to remember that I need to find joy in Him, not in people or geography, but in what He is doing in and through me. So, I continued to journal, but it transitioned into a praise instead of a prayer. That God is so darn faithful, to literally immediately reveal to me what I was really asking; why do none of my friends care that I’m here? Why do I have no plans? Ummmmm Alli, maybe because you should be spending time with Jesus instead of ensuring a constantly packed schedule for weeks at a time. This rest and down time with Jesus is oh so important for my mental, physical and spiritual health right now, as I am preparing for my crazy camp stuff, I desperately need to be filled up, not emptied by a wild schedule, and as always, God saw that.

This is when I started reading through First John, just seeing who God is and who He wants me to be, I jotted this down sporadically as I read all of it building and coming together as somewhat of a summary:

“God is the light of the world and in Him there is no darkness (1:5), He is faithful, He forgives, He desires to purify us (1:9) and sanctify us in who Jesus is (2:6). So do not love the world, but instead, put God above all other things (2:15). Hear the truth that you already know (2:20-21). You are a child of God, live in that (3:1). Love drives and controls life in God (3). Have faith in who God is and who He is creating you to be. For you have overcome this world by grace- live free and full in that.”

On top of that, God brought up Colossians 3:12-14

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so also you must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

All of this is so good and I just love it, and what really stood out to me in this passage was the way love was talked about. Put love on. It is not an automatic thing, it has to be picked up and chosen every day, like an article of clothing, we get to chose whether we wear and show it off. Every. Single. Day. God calls us into this relationship rooted in love and we get to chose. So I thought, am I living in love like my favorite pair of jeans? Or is this mentality (love) more of a statement piece that I whip out for special occasions? Do those adjectives describe me and my life? Love is the root of who Jesus, thus who God is. He is a good and loving Father, desiring to bring goodness to our lives while never diminishing His greatness. No matter how good of a Father, how loving and unconditional, He is still the creator of everything, bendor of galaxies and almighty of all. Not only is God’s love unconditional and never ending, but His grandeur is the same- forever great and bigger than anything we could ever comprehend or imagine. John 21:25 states that if every magnificent thing Jesus did were written down, there would not be enough room in the world to contain them. How freaking wild is that? That he did so much great stuff that this world we think is so darn big, would not even have room to store it all.

So, why would I not chose to put on this great God’s love every single day and show it off like my favorite pair of jeans? Why would I chose to rep anything else when this is greater than anything else created, because there is no darkness or fear in this love, this love is faithful and it forgives, it is truth that calls us children. That is a love that I will say yes to, every day, for the rest of my simple life, because this life is not so simple with that love infiltrating it.